She is in my prayers

This is one of the harder experiences that I have had to experience. On sat my sweet niece rose slept for almost a whole day and woke up withnot make a fever of 104`. She had been sick earlier during the week but not this sick. We got worried and called the emergency room and they said to bring her. We thought we were taking her in for dehydration and a fever, but it turned out she had a severe phnemonia. We spent most of the night in the er in brigham. They took exrays, gave her an iv, and did a million other things that did make her happy. After about 3 hours they decided that they needed to send her down to primary childrens hospital. They were trying to life flight her but they didnt have any helicopters so the ambulance came and got her and took her down to primary childrens. I followed down with my brother. We arrived around 2 am. It was insane to see how in seriously 24 hours Rose had completely been consumed by this. Her eyes were blood shot, her breathing heavy, her lips were dry, just everything about her was off. They finally got her checked out and admitted at about 4 am. Everyone was exhausted, especially rose but at this point she had been poked and proded so many times that she was terrified to lay back and go to sleep. She was so strong and brave. Everytime the doctors needed her to do something she would say ok and just brave through it. I wish I had the strength she had.

We all woke up and my parents got ready to head down to the hospital. My brother was scheduled to leave wednesday to go back to korea so that was another new problem. My mom went right down to see if she could help him with that. I stayed home with the baby and waited for them to get home so we could switch. I headed down around 7pm. When I got there and saw her sitting in her bed my heart broke. She looked exhausted. She didnt fall asleep all night, afraid that they would come poke her with something. We were able to get her to drink something(only through a seringe though) and able to give her a bath. After her bath she got a fever again of 104`. We were finally able to break her fever and got her to sleep. I went out into the waiting area where they had some pull out couches(which I didnt pull out properly so my sleeping conditions were a little awkward).

I finally ended up going back into her room at about 7 this morning. She was awake and did look much better. She had actually slept through the whole night which was good and something she needed badly. She was still refusing to eat or really drink anything. The doctors finally came in (yes doctors plural, she had 3 female doctors) and checked her out. They seemed to act like she was getting better and doing well. Shortly after the nurses came in and told me that they had to suction her. This is a miserable experience. What they do is put some liquid like substance in both her nostrils and then stick a tub in her nostril and down her throat. It sucks up all the gross stuff that is blocking her air way. This is not painful, just more annoying but she freaks out and hates every minute of it. She kicks and screams and just freaks out. Today when the nurses walked in witht he tubs and stuff she instantly knew what they were there to do. I was sitting by her and holding her hand and her grip got instantly tighter. As she was starting to get that scared look on her face a knot started in my throat. Its always hard to watch a little one cry, especially when they dont understand why they are going through what they are going through. When they got her to lay down and started putting the stuff in her nose, she decided to start saying my name. For whatever reason, when she says my name it makes my heart jump, but in this situation it made my heart hurt. I instantly started crying when she said "Julie, please stop please Julie." At that moment I understood that love for a child. I would have willingly taken that pain onto myself in a heartbeat. I couldnt control myself and the more she said my name and please and stop it made my heart hurt even more. When they were done she wouldnt let me go. I sat by her and rubbed her back and we looked at pictures. Although its so hard to see her go through that its good cause you could tell she felt so much better after. She finally fell asleep which was good cause I had to go and I didnt want to leave her while she was awake.

Now we just have to wait and she how much she improves each day. I am so glad though that we have the best childs care right in our own back yard. Primaries is seriously so awesome. You can tell everyone there loves kids and wants them to get better. I cant imagine what it would be like to have to lose one of them though. My heart is with those nurses and doctors that are brave enough to take on those tasks of making our kids feel better.

This is not my normal thing to do but I want to vocally say how grateful I am the Lords precense in my life. Without him we may not have her here anymore. I am so grateful for a good brother who has turned into a great dad. To see someone that once had no patience to even sit and have a conversation at dinner, to be crying and sitting by his 2 year old daughter and comforting her anyway he can is a miracle in itself.

I cant imagine loving something more. She is not my blood but she is very much my baby. I would give anything for her. I hope and pray that she will get better soon and that this will only make her stronger in life as well as me. It would be horrible to start bawling every time she gets hurt. Thank you to those friends that have shown their concern, I appreciate it more than anyone knows. Just keep her and my family in your prayers.